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Monday, February 28, 2011

She works hard for the money

I work in one of the busiest ER's in Canada, some days the
suck factor is a solid 10 and other days its like working at........ I guess it would be the equivalent to working at the theme park failure known to all as Euro Disney, so the suck factor of a day like that is about a 6.5. 

I work with some pretty awesome people and some unawesome people.  One can't help but have a favorite, every mother will say she loves each of her children equally to their face, but behind closed doors she has a true favorite.  I DO tend to be a bit of a mama bear to my favorite people, and I like to be a sunshine spreader at work, I'm also work wife to a bunch of dude's.  It's ok I can totally get away with it because I possess the chub and I'm married so it's all cool.

I have a super bad memory, so I'm a nicknameologist.  This one dude (I can't take credit for this nickname) we call him "The Situation", it's for several reasons the main reason is for the fact that dude wears his sisters scrub pants to work, did I mention she's in grade 9!  He looks like and has the IQ of reality TV star Michael Sorrentino.  Oh and he has a situation going on in his pants, its one of those car wreck deals not cool.  Another Dude we call him Rockstar and we have a Beiber in the department too.  I call one of the Resident Doctors 5-0 because one day last summer he showed up wearing Hawaiian swim shorts and a lab coat.  I call another one Nervous Doctor (behind his back) because when he was on The Vagina Squad (OB/GYN) he looked super scared walking into do an exam.  I pictured him with his hands all shaking trying to take swabs and samples from some poor girls lady parts.  I call one of the paramedics "puppy" because on his first day he looked so lost and he has super cute hair.  I call most of the doctors Captain because mostly because it's funny and because most of the time our ship is sinking.

I love this one girl, her name is Amanda, I'm not sure why I do because she makes fun of my art skills plus she treats my son like a dog making him do tricks for her on the phone.   Amanda is a beautiful girl with big cartoon eyes and a J-Lo butt.  She is a nursing student and I hope that one day she when she loses her training pants she will apply to work in my department.

I love it how some of the new people that come to the department especially brand new nurses think they can boss me around because they are nurses and I am "just a secretary".  Well, you know what sweetie, I have been "just a secretary" for 11 years, I wouldn't piss me off.  This one girl I won't mention her blond little name, she was probably one of those kids that were still on the boob in pre-school.  I wonder if it's her mom that made her sandwiches with the crusts cut off and  gives her a strawberry shortcake thermos full of Alphagetti.   (that was really mean, but I'm not sorry because this girl thinks she is something else and isn't very nice to me)

My Gay-BFF Michael has a crush on my big brother.  Last week my niece had the flu and had to come into see Auntie Jen at work.  She had her hair full of braids and looked like a mini Bo Derek.  Anyway I remembered about my GBFF having the crush so, I told him that little Bo was in the waiting room with his eye-candy.  I had to go back to my desk so I wouldn't get fired, about 3 minutes later Michael came by and said your niece is in room A6 and your brother is still hot!  I of course had to share this tid bit of information with my homophobic brother and his wife immediately.  I felt like it was Christmas morning and I had snuck a peek in my stocking.  My brother was squirming in his seat he wouldn't even let me finish my sentence.  I love to torment my brother.  Michael wants to know the moment my brothers marriage goes down the crapper.  My Michael wants to recruit him.

As much as I complain about my job, I really do love it, well most days anyway.  I may not fit in with the cool kids, but I don't really care, well most days anyway.  Everyone wants to fit in and sometimes I do feel that my chub is the reason I don't fit in.  I hope after having this surgery I will not only gain health I will gain confidence as well.

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