How do I love thee?

PCOS how do I love thee, let me count the ways

1.  You have ruined my figure and the hopes of EVER wearing a bikini. I am really not a fan of being 175 pounds over weight.  Thank you PCOS, I love you.

2.  The Fu Manchu.  Yes, thank you soooooo much PCOS for turning  me into a 90 year old Chinese man.  Well at least he is a super cool one, Dr. Fu Manchu was like a super evil genius, totally up my ally.  I don't like the fact that I have to shave my face everyday.  Not cool, especially if I forget and have spidery whiskers poking out of my chin.  Not a sexy look either, or at least not one that's likely to catch on.

3.  Backne.  Acne and backne are like so awesome when you're in your 30's.  It's totally like re-living your youth, the smell of Noxzema, Clearasil and tea tree oil brings me back to those nights I'd sit in front of the mirror and pop zits.  Hi, I'm a grown up, I don't want to smell like TeenSpirit, I'm to fricken old for this shit now!  Come on! 

4.  Painful irregular periods.  Do you know whats more awesome than not knowing when a flood gate is about to erupt from between your legs? (and not in the good way either)  How about feeling like you've fractured your ovary?  I don't know what's more fun, the not knowing when the tomato truck is on it's way, the pain, the having to wear a SUPER strength tampon  and 2 pads(you'd think that the tampon would be enough of a beaver dam but I guess not), or laying in the fetal position for hours because it feels like your giving birth to the multiple clots that just keep coming!  With all those it's hard to pick a favorite.

5.  Oily Skin.  Where does facial oil come from?  I asked the Google dorks and they didn't know, they just wanted to teach me about acne solutions, douche bags.  My face gets so oily, when I put on make up it slides right off.  Also getting eyelid oil in your eyes not only does it burn, it causes temporary blindness.  How much fun is being blind while driving?  I'm afraid to go in the ocean in case I cause a national emergency oil spill.






6.  Hair.  I have mentioned in previous posts that I have some unwanted hair.  I've got the facial hair you already know about the fu manchu, also I get that one freak hair that is all of a sudden 4 inches long.  Does it really happen over night, or do I  go into a coma and not notice the fact that there is a foot long hair growing out of my face?  I have hair on my toes, my stomach (a hairway to heaven for my Jerry Bear), and I also get the odd hair-eola (that would be nipple hair in case you were interested).  I totally tweeze those btw along with the random one that pops up on my arm.

7. Hormonal Imbalance.  I can go from zero to bitch in 2.5 seconds.  I can't help it. Nuff said!  Oh and I am all the time hot because I am peri-menopausal.