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Monday, January 24, 2011

Wet T-shirt Contest?

Endoscopy Day!

Nothing excites me more than the idea of getting a camera crammed down my throat.  It feels like I'm six years old and its Christmas morning.  Of course I had to fast again, this time it was easier though.  I made sure I ate sensibly the day before.  I totally didn't brush my teeth this morning, I knew as soon as I started I would be all gaggy and barfy, so I skipped it.  Sorry for the morning breath Dr. Kirk. ( I chewed some gum in the waiting room not sure if that was a no no or not but I did it anyway.  I'm a bit of a rule breaker)

The nurse called me into my little cubicle where I'd be spending my visit.  She was one of those "I love my job" people that make you sick, you know the type, super bubbly, super efficient super, just SUPER.  I wonder if she dots her I's with hearts.  I work in the same building and I sure don't love my job like this girl does.  Anyway, she gives me a gown tells me to take everything off from the waist up.  Totally left my bra on again, it was cold and my boobs are fraternal twins aka not identical and I didn't want the doctor, or anyone else to see my googly eyed nipples under the near see through hospital gown. 

I sat there for a bit until it was my turn.  OMG, it's my turn! my heart is pounding a bit, I'm nervous.  The doc, is busy dictating on the last person, I get all hooked up to the monitors and were ready to go.  The doctor sprays this stuff in my mouth to freeze my throat so I don't gag on the camera's tube it was like the worst BJ ever only I couldn't spit the stuff out I was forced to swallow it.  He did it like 5 times to make sure I was good and frozen.  I totally wanted to barf.  I was looking forward to a nice long sleep after the meds were given to me.  I didn't get enough!  I was awake and choking through the whole thing.  I had all drool coming out of my mouth so much that it soaked my bra strap.   The bra that I wasn't supposed to have on in the first place was completely soaked on the left side along with my see through hospital gown.  At least the doc didn't see the googly eyes, not that he'd even look.  There is nothing sexier than a wet t-shirt contest contestant covered in her own drool.

The doc tells me that I have a hiatal hernia I am still a little groggy, but I instantly begin to panic (can I still have the bypass?).  He gave me a presrciption and also told me he took "some clippings" and is sending them off to pathology.  Oh that sounds awesome, you took out tiny pieces of my stomach, now what?  Oh just go home and rest you'll be fine.  My daddy came to drive me home, Jerry Bear was sleeping because he worked midnights so I flopped out on the couch rubbed my tummers and began to wonder if my dreams were about to be crushed.  What is up with day time television?  Nothing was on so I fell asleep.

The next day I called Anna at the clinic, she told me I had nothing to worry about and how I should have called her yesterday instead of worrying all day.  Had I not been under the influence of the anesthesia that didn't quite work, I probably would have called her earlier.