Care Beyond Compare Factor

January 2011

I am totally not wanting to be at work today, I definitely do not have "The Care Beyond Compare" (that's our hospital's motto) today.  I'd say my care beyond compare factor is at about a 2 today, a solid 2.  Today's suck factor at work a solid 10!  I would rather do anything than work today.  Why am I not wealthy enough to stay at home and just be pretty? 

My Jerry Bear is taking me on a date tomorrow, we are going out for dinner and a movie depending on how long dinner takes us.  Jeremy's sister is coming to watch the boys tomorrow so we can have our date, we are super lucky to have such great family support.

Questionable Pinapple

January 2011

Ate some questionable pineapple last night at work and now I am so bloated I'd need a boomerang to put my belt on. (That is if I wore belts, I don't like to draw attention to my fat zone). 

 Got some wicked awesome news, my chart will be on the surgeons desk in Hamilton any day now!  I am officially ready for surgery!  All I need is a date!

 I think am going to relax with the family tonight.   My little boy has been sick so we haven't been sleeping good as a whole. Monday is one of those fantastic days for kids where they get a free day off of school.  Pretty craptastic for the parents who like work and need to like find the day care or would need to find crap for them to do so they don't kill each other.  Not top of my "fun things to do while sleep deprived".  I do love my boys, honest!

Gym Class

January 2011

I've been sleep deprived for the past few days due to the fact that my baby bear Brady has been sick.  I need to sleep, I love to sleep, I miss sleep.  I spent most of the day today in a zombie like state and had an appointment to workout at 4pm with my life skills instructor.   You may be asking yourself wtf is a life skills instructor and why do I have one?  Well some douche abused me when I was a kid, I have the "fat suit" for protection.  I confronted him about 2 years ago now.  I am totally feeling better now on the inside, so I need my outsides to reflect that. I still have my ups and downs hence the life skills instructor.  So she "makes" me work out and get out more, doing the things I enjoy instead of living life like a hermit. 

Kaitlyn is my LS instructor, she is away this week, so I am working with her student.  She is totally cute, just a wee little thing, we met at the office first because I haven't met her yet.  Oh how I was hoping that she was going to let me skip today's workout because I felt like craptastic because I hadn't slept in 2 day and, I had an abscess on my thigh that felt like the grand canyon.  I thought that being an adult I'd grow out of the acne faze of my life, guess not.  Having the PCOS is totally not awesome, weight gain, acne, and I'm like a gorilla underneath my clothes too btw, thanks PCOS! I love having you! 

Sorry off topic again.  So we head to the gym, I go to a quaint hole in the wall little place, A. because it's quiet, 2. because I hate feeling like everyone is watching me and C. because it's small.  I usually go during the morning and my appointment was for 5pm, it's fricken busy, full of gym boys.  I hate the gym boys that's why I go when they are in school or when they are busy doing their paper route.  I am too chubby and too old to impress high school boys.  We are on the treadmill, I am soooooo not into it.  I am so GD tired could have fallen asleep at any moment and done one of those face plant fall & slide off the treadmill moves that you see on America's funniest videos.  I pushed myself along.  

We had some small talk about how much I dislike cardio,  I am like 175 pounds over weight ok, so running, or ellipticalling, or treadmilling, not on my list of fun things to do.  Any skinny girls that are reading this, next time you go to the supermarket, try picking up two, 20 pound bags of potatoes with your anorexic arms and carry them around with you while you shop, its not so easy.  That is almost what it feels like to walk in a chubbo's shoes and maybe you won't judge us next time you see us struggling to do something YOU may feel is a meager task.. 

 Sorry again off topic, we talked about moving on to weights, now I much prefer the machines because free weights make your hands stinky and I'm really not into that.  I don't care what size you are your hands should never stink like that.  She made me do the free weights anyway grrrrrrr.  I whined my way through the rest of the workout and was very thankful when it was over.  My next appointment is on Friday can't wait!  I may just pee my pants I'm so excited.  (Again with the sarcasm FYI)

Potty Mouth

January 2011

So the I'm beginning to feel the impending doom of surgery and the fact that my stomach will soon be the size of an olive.  I am having cravings and thoughts, thoughts and CRAVINGS....... what is going to happen when I have cravings after the surgery?  I wont be able to have a Big Mac attack post op and even if I did I sure as heck wouldn't be able to eat one.  I am so glad that I have 5 years of post op care with my dietitian Kelly.   You may remember her, she was the one with the breakfast issues.

I really want this to be a success and I don't want my last few weeks pre-op to be a food free for all.  I think I need to make an appointment with Kelly now.  Nip this in the bud so I don't end up eating my meals on the toilet due to dumping syndrome.  Doesn't dumping syndrome sound like fun, like something you'd do in the sandbox if you were the kid that ate paste.  I remember how delicious paste used to be.

Wet T-shirt Contest?

Endoscopy Day!

Nothing excites me more than the idea of getting a camera crammed down my throat.  It feels like I'm six years old and its Christmas morning.  Of course I had to fast again, this time it was easier though.  I made sure I ate sensibly the day before.  I totally didn't brush my teeth this morning, I knew as soon as I started I would be all gaggy and barfy, so I skipped it.  Sorry for the morning breath Dr. Kirk. ( I chewed some gum in the waiting room not sure if that was a no no or not but I did it anyway.  I'm a bit of a rule breaker)

The nurse called me into my little cubicle where I'd be spending my visit.  She was one of those "I love my job" people that make you sick, you know the type, super bubbly, super efficient super, just SUPER.  I wonder if she dots her I's with hearts.  I work in the same building and I sure don't love my job like this girl does.  Anyway, she gives me a gown tells me to take everything off from the waist up.  Totally left my bra on again, it was cold and my boobs are fraternal twins aka not identical and I didn't want the doctor, or anyone else to see my googly eyed nipples under the near see through hospital gown. 

I sat there for a bit until it was my turn.  OMG, it's my turn! my heart is pounding a bit, I'm nervous.  The doc, is busy dictating on the last person, I get all hooked up to the monitors and were ready to go.  The doctor sprays this stuff in my mouth to freeze my throat so I don't gag on the camera's tube it was like the worst BJ ever only I couldn't spit the stuff out I was forced to swallow it.  He did it like 5 times to make sure I was good and frozen.  I totally wanted to barf.  I was looking forward to a nice long sleep after the meds were given to me.  I didn't get enough!  I was awake and choking through the whole thing.  I had all drool coming out of my mouth so much that it soaked my bra strap.   The bra that I wasn't supposed to have on in the first place was completely soaked on the left side along with my see through hospital gown.  At least the doc didn't see the googly eyes, not that he'd even look.  There is nothing sexier than a wet t-shirt contest contestant covered in her own drool.

The doc tells me that I have a hiatal hernia http://www.medicinenet.com/hiatal_hernia/article.htm I am still a little groggy, but I instantly begin to panic (can I still have the bypass?).  He gave me a presrciption and also told me he took "some clippings" and is sending them off to pathology.  Oh that sounds awesome, you took out tiny pieces of my stomach, now what?  Oh just go home and rest you'll be fine.  My daddy came to drive me home, Jerry Bear was sleeping because he worked midnights so I flopped out on the couch rubbed my tummers and began to wonder if my dreams were about to be crushed.  What is up with day time television?  Nothing was on so I fell asleep.

The next day I called Anna at the clinic, she told me I had nothing to worry about and how I should have called her yesterday instead of worrying all day.  Had I not been under the influence of the anesthesia that didn't quite work, I probably would have called her earlier.

TWITTER

I'm on the Twitter now too!  I am called Bypass Princess..... now I can share my wit, via the instant messaging.  LOVE IT!  My Jerry Bear thinks I'm a little nuts, ah well as long as he takes care of me it's all good.  I love to share, sharing is my favorite.

better left untold?

January 2011

So now that I have a date for the endoscopy, I decided that I should probably start to tell more of the people in my life my secret.  I had to ask my daddy to drive me, so I thought it was a perfect opener.  How do you just come out and say hey daddy I am getting my guts removed.  Hallmark doesn't have a greeting card for that.  He took the news WAY better than I thought, he was super supportive and said he'd even help me with workouts post-op.  He has the chubb too, more of a beer gut though than a chubby like me.

My brother, OMG he was funny!  He is the type of guy that once he "hears" something or "reads"  something it is his truth.  He got all big bro on me and let me know how worried he was about it and me, but that I should still go ahead with it if it was what I really wanted.  Thanks bro, will do!



This is what I said to extended family and close friends via the Facebook:


Hey
I am not sure if you know this or not, but I am about to change my life. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I have the chub. And reason I have the chub is because I was abused by a babysitter when I was 6 years old. ( he was a family friend) Long story short, I confronted him, feeling better inside now I need to change my outside.
I am going to have Gastric Bypass surgery. It has been 2 years in the making, it is not something that we have decided on lightly. It will affect the rest of my life and my families life. I have a lot of work ahead of me, and am looking forward to a long healthy life.
I am telling people that I love and care about, if have any questions please ask.

Love Jen

I had nothing but positive responses, it was amazing to know how much people to care about me and my chubb.

ADH......Oh look a bird

January 2011


Since the beginning of my journey I had only told a few people, my bestie Dorothy, my mom, and my Jerry Bear of course. I was keeping it a bit of secret, not sure why, I guess I was worried about negative responses.  For the most part everyone was pretty pumped for me.  One thing that stung a bit was when my momma bear told my aunt ( a former nurse)  she, of course, had a friend with dumping syndrome (http://www.bariatric-surgery-source.com/dumping-syndrome.html) and that is all my mom could focus on.  I told my momma bear that she probably wasn't following a proper diet, I totally don't think she heard me.  I stopped listening to her after awhile because I was shopping for something pretty.  I am easily distracted.   I've been told I have ADH.......oh look a bird!  LOL just kidding.  Then I started to tell everyone I know, the randoms at work, that weird cousin that no one talks to at the reunions it was a verbal diarrhea of sorts.

Guess what!!! I have an appointment for the endoscopy!  It will be next Wednesday!  I get to fast again, awesome!  OMG this is actually happening.  I am just weeks away from my dream.  Luckily I have the day off, so I don't have to worry about that and my Jerry Bear can take care of me when I get home. 

Cabin Fever

January 2011

The weather outside is frightful ( I live in Northern Ontario, Canada) its January the 2nd, you know what that means?  The kids go back to school!  I love my boys so much, but I could not wait to see their little faces all bundled up to go out the door this morning.  They have been driving me CrAzY lately.  It has been ridiculously cold outside so the "cabin fever" has set in at our homestead.  I am sooooo ready for this winter to be over.  Minus 40 plus windshield factor, totally not a fan.  I'm a princess and it's hard to look fantastic dressed in a parka, Sorel boots and toque.  The only hat a princess should ever wear is a crown.

Jeremy suprised me by booking the day off work today so we can spend some time together.   My Jerry Bear took me out for a nice lunch and then we enjoyed shopping without having to yell at the kids.  See it's all about the maintenance!  This usually means he wants some afternoon delight.  Hmmmmm what's a girl to do? 

I've been patient, like really patient and so I decided to call the surgeons office and see what is taking so GD long.  They have had my referral for like almost a month, what's the fricken hold up already?  They tell me "oh we have a pile to go through call us back in a week or 2".  I don't think they realize they are holding up something so important.  This is going to change my life!  I don't want to wait another 2 weeks!   I don't think I can take this much longer!

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus

December 2010

OH The Holidays...... all the family, the get togethers, barf.  I don't want to be the chubby one anymore.  I wish I could fast forward to next year.  Alas, I am stuck here in 2010 in my pants that are too tight, my shirt is well, actually my shirt is fabulous,  I just bought it, it's black and sheer and has ruffles down the front!  I love pretty things.  I wasn't going to spend anymore money on clothes until after surgery, but I needed a pick me up.  You know how it is right? 

So I totally don't know how we made it through the holidays, it was exhausting.  The boys were whiny which was awesome, made the holidays much more enjoyable for us.  I told my Jerry Bear that I didn't want Santa to give me any chocolate and stuff especially since I am trying wean myself off all that.  What did I do instead, I ate his...... say it ain't so!  It could be worse, I am not sure how, but I keep telling myself that.  I am trying to to beat myself up too much about it.

It's almost the end of the year and I still haven't heard anything from the surgeon about my Endo.  I'm a bit miffed, actually a lot miffed. I would have had the bypass surgery during the holidays if I could.  I'm so glad my Jerry Bear is her to "maintain" me because I am starting to annoy myself.

Wing Man

December 2010

My ultrasound got booked pretty fast I was quite surprised.  My Jerry Bear went with me on account of my high maintenanceness even though he couldn't come in the room with me it was nice to have a wing man even though he was in the waiting room.  The lady called me into the room it was cold, my nerps were on high alert they could have cut glass.  I totally kept my fuchsia bra on in protest to the "take everything off from the waist up" rule.   The lady didn't seem to mind the bra and it totally did not get in the way.  She kept making me hold my breath for like a really long time and I had a bit of a cold so I kept coughing.  I think it annoyed her a bit.   Whatev's. 

It took about a week for Viv to get the results and she said I was cleared for Endo! Yahoo!  The last step and its just the beginning of December.  I can't believe that I am so close, so close to a new healthy life.  Christmas is just around the corner what would be a more amazing present than getting a camera shoved down my throat!

Osteoporosis

 November 2010

After my enlightening visit with Dr. Young, it is now time to see Kelly, we have some small talk about our boys, she asked me if it gets any easier, I laughed.  Ummm, no it does not get any easier, boys are tough, especially when the think you're not cool ( I totally am btw), and they think they know everything at age 8!  Sorry off topic again.  Kelly was happy that I drank her crappy chalk drink every day for a month, but because of my blood work she wants me to start taking calcium.  She said I was at risk for that old lady disease, I stopped listening because I saw something shiny outside, I may have the ADHD( I haven't decided yet if its that or I just get bored easily).  Kelly puts me on the scale, I stayed the same!  I was doing a steady climb for months so this is a great progress, a great feeling. 

My appointment with Viv was a few minutes later.  This woman is on her own special kind of crack because she is always full of energy and full of smiles.  We head into her office and she tells me that ALL of my blood work is fine.  I was like really ALL 22 vials of blood work are awesome.  She measures the girth of my belly and I laugh at the fact that she rested her sweet little head on my boobs while she reached around me. 

" So whats the next step?"  Viv tells me that I need to have an ultrasound to check how much chub is between my belly and my organs.  Doesn't that sound like fun.  If the ultrasound is A-ok, she will send a direct referral to the local surgeon for an endoscopy.  The last two steps!  HOLY SHIT! 

Mr. Wonderful

November 2010

It's been about 6 weeks now since the trauma of creepy ponytail tech and the 22 vials of blood.  I have my follow up appointments with Viv and Kelly.  I hadn't heard from Dr. Young,  I actually was relieved because he was kind of a douche the last time I talked to him and I didn't really want to hear what that voice sounded like coming out of my phone.  So, I get to the office and little Anna is at the desk ( she is a 4ft nothing, Italian girl who doesn't take any ones crap!) she asked how things were going and I mistakenly  mentioned that I had not heard from Dr. Young in the 2 weeks as promised.  Anna being so fricken efficient was all like " lets see, how about you see him for a few minutes before you go in with Kelly."  My heart sank, REALLY, do I really have to see Mr. Wonderful today.  Thank you Anna! (note the sarcasm)  I was having such a good day before I came in, now my ass is sweating  I am so nervous I can feel the sweat dripping down my thighs. ( Yes I am an ass sweater when I get nervous) 

Omg, I go into Dr. Youngs office and he was actually smiling, and nice to me wtf.  He didn't make me feel like crap today.  He was all like proud of what I had accomplished in the past  6 weeks and he even said something that was life changing....... He asked me "how many calories does it take to burn a pound"  I am not a math wizard, I had no idea so my inner blond said "300?".  He was like try 3500!  We had been talking about how I often quit exercising because I feel like I am getting no where.  Then he asked "how long did I figure it would take to exercise to burn that many calories.  Again not being a mathematician, I plead stupidity and just said I didn't know.  So basically I'd have to ride a bike for like 15 hours, or jog for like 7 to 9 hours and so on.  I was amazed.  No wonder why my 2o minutes of cardio doesn't do much.  At least now I know the physics of it and how adjusting what I eat as well as my work outs will help some pounds fall off pre-op.

I needs me a tall drink of water

November 2010

Fasting blood work should be an easy enough task, even for me the fat chick, but as a shift worker and a breakfast hater, I struggled.  So, I totally didn't eat breakfast, went to work for a 1530-2330 shift and my one and only break was at 1645 (4:45), so my 12 hour fast turned into a 16 hour fast on one craptastic cafeteria meal.  I usually need to wind down after an ER shift which usually entails me watching TV and grazing for a few hours.  Thank God I didn't have to go to the MDS lab with all the cranky elderly people and wait for hours and hours. 

It's the next day, I gagged after brushing my teeth, thank you fasting blood work, you're my favorite today.  I feel like my stomach is eating itself because I am sooooo hungry.  I drag myself into the lab office and show them my slip.  I noticed that Vivian had ticked off quite a few boxes on the outpatient lab slip that I held in my hand.  When the girl (ok, so I've worked in the ER for 11 years and I can't know every ones name) I DO know that she is John's GF. Anyway off topic again......so she came at me with 22 vials and I was like wtf dude!  What are they testing for, for this surgery!  I wasn't scared of having the blood taken or anything, I was just like dude that's a lot of tests.  She told me I better go have some water "right away", I thought she was being a bit dramatic, but I did it anyway.

The Cherry on my Sundae

October 2010

Met with Dr. Young today, he is a bit of an acquired taste to say the least.  He was very dry, very shrinkie and made me feel a little bit bad about myself.  It wasn't really what he said but rather the way he said it with his all mighty God like essence oozing from his 6ft 180 pound frame.  He didn't believe that an obese woman could be active, eat a healthy diet and still be obese.  I was diagnosed with PCOS in my teens and my weight climbed up since then, especially after having my boys plus I am insulin resistant AND the cherry on the sundae is that I also have Metabolic Syndrome.  I  had to take this ridiculously long questionnaire that asked the same questions over and over again but in different ways.  I guess if you answer the question yes one time and no another,  you have a split personality or wait does that make you bipolar?

So I take his advice with a smile on my face and leave his office with a smile on my face dreading the fact that he is going to call me AT HOME for a "follow up" on my progress.  Great, I can't wait for that phone call. 

PCOS stands for Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome for more information check out this link http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/polycystic-ovary-syndrome.cfm
http://www.medicinenet.com/metabolic_syndrome/article.htm - info about metabolic syndrome

Angry Bladder and a Top Notch Ticker!

October 2010

Vivian and I go way back.  She looked after me when my GP was on maternity leave.  She is an amazing woman and we can laugh together.  She totally "gets me" after we catch up she does a head to toe exam, my BP was high.  It's funny how I get white coat syndrome when I work in an ER and I know Viv.  We talk about my medical history a bit and she asks me about uti's I say well I get you know like 3 to 4 a year thinking I am totally normal like every other woman who has given birth frequency is an issue and so are uti's.  Well don't I get the " do you go the bathroom after having sex" speech! Um ya Viv, I totally do btw!  She suggests that I start taking a high dose of vitamin C to piss off my bladder and stop the infection cycle.  Sounds fun!

The next step is blood work and an ECG.  Ya, so since I work at the hospital and Viv wants the blood work done AT the hospital, confidentiality is an issue for me.  ( I haven't told my dad, so I don't want some randoms at work knowing before important family members)  Also taking my top off for an ECG in front of Mattie or the cute boy that just started doesn't seem like a good time.  I am sure they would like to see my kittens because even though they are not quite the same size, the are still fantastic.  I REALLY  want one of the girl techs to be working today.  Oh great creepy ponytail dude is on instead perfect! 

What do you know I have a top notch ticker, did I just say top notch ticker am I a 73 year old man in a hat!

Yup, I'm an addict!

October 2010

Quitting my diet pepsi addiction is way harder than coffee.  I would have thought coffee would be harder to quit.  Hopefully if I'm not having an extra large Tim Horton's with 3 cream and 3 sugar (sometimes 2-3 per day), I might even lose a pound or two.

I meet with the dietitian early in the morning.  I'm nervous, I don't know what to expect.  I remember her from high school.  She seems nice, we talk about how and what I eat.  She seems quite pleased with everything except for the fact that I don't eat breakfast.  Well ya know what? Breakfast food sucks!  Toast is just dried up bread........ I just don't like breakfast its also due to laziness and, time restrictions on school days ( I have 2 boys ages 6 and 8 both awesome).  Kelly suggests I try Glucerna its for geriatric people, but she tries to make it sound cool, so I will drink it.  She even gives me samples.  This girl is serious about breakfast.  I soon find out Glucerna is like drinking chocolate flavored chalk.  The label tells you to "chill for improved taste"  ummmmm fyi the chilling does nothing, it still tastes like crap.  This REALLY makes me look forward to the 2 weeks I'm going to be enjoying Optifast.  I wonder if you have to chill that too?

Orientation Day!

September 2010 

It's raining cats and dogs outside and I can't be more excited and nervous.  I can't find a fricken parking spot damnit, I don't want to be late, I've waited long enough.

So there are about us 30 chubbo's, crammed into a small room, at least they have over sized chairs for us.  I can finally sit in a chair with arms and I still have room WTF ever cool.  I only recognize one dude, he was in emerg a few weeks ago ( I am a ward secretary) when his kid was sick or broken, I can't remember.  He was funny and a friend of Brad's one of the funniest doc's I work with.  Sorry off topic, so I'm sitting in my huge chair listening to the presenters and my pants are tight.  The presenters are talking about the surgery, the risks, the out of pocket costs for vitamins and $400 for Optifast a prescription liquid diet.  Just the name lets me know its going to be delicious.  ( that was sarcasm btw).  We are all told that if we are going continue we need to take a package and fill it out asap.

Of course I decide to move on and I totally filled out the package as soon as I got home.  I called Anna the next morning to book the next set of appointments.  I will see Kelly, the dietitian  and Vivian, the nurse practitioner in back to back appointments in October then  A week later I will see Dr. Young the psychiatrist.  Why does it take a fricken month to get in to see everyone.  Grrrrrrr!  I want this so bad I'll even do it over the Christmas holidays.  So I work on  quitting my diet pepsi and coffee addictions in the mean time.  I have to do it for the surgery anyway, so I might as well get a head start.

Dear Diary

August 2010

So, I went to the mail box on my way out the door and it was there!  The letter that I had been waiting for, for like 2 years!  Who knew an envelope could be soooo exciting.  I ripped that sucker open right away.  My hands were shaking, I had a tear in my eye, I had the number to the Bariatric Center dialed before I even got to the looser cruiser.  I drive a mini van, I know its a tragedy. 

 Anyway, I called and booked my appointment for orientation.......It's for the first week of September!  I am so excited, I might barf.......nope I'm good all good.  My husband can come too which is awesome because we do everything together.  I am "a little" high maintenance, ok a lot, but I have embraced my inner princessness and Jeremy loves to maintain me.