Hot child in the City

I bought myself a new bathing suit.  It was 4 sizes smaller than last years suit!  I am excited that I am finally starting to see some big results.  I have lost almost 70 pounds now. 

I had a bad experience with a pear the other day.  I thought it had a soft enough skin that I would be ok to eat it.  NOPE, not ok, very very not ok.  I felt like my pouch was trying to give birth.  It was the worst pain I had been in since I woke up from the surgery.

I am sad to say though, that my summer is officially over now that the kids are out of school.  I DO love my boys, honest.  I will be spending my days as a referee in a cage match trying to keep them from killing each other.  And if that doesn't sound glamorous enough, I also "get" to spend my summer at the local public pool with a bunch of screaming kids oh and not to mention the pee.  Some days I wish I could parent other peoples children and the parents for that matter.  I would so not let my daughter (if I had one that is) go to a pool in a barely there bikini with a bunch of horny boys.  And I totally wouldn't let my boys go anywhere near one of those girls.  It was an eye opening experience today at the pool, good thing my boys are oblivious to such things.

Under the Microscope

Being a bariatic patient means that for the rest of your life you'll be put under a microscope.  "Jen, how much weight have you lost"  Oh I have lost 59 pounds so far "OMG Jen thats waaaaaaay too much" OR "Hmmm, I thought it would be more"    really because, I thought that you wouldn't be so ugly up close.  Another one of my favorite questions is "are you ALLOWED to eat that" or "do you eat real food" yeah I am, dumb ass, if I am putting it in my mouth, I am "allowed" to eat it, are you really allowed to walk around without a helmet?

Those are just a few of the idiotic things stupid people say to me on a regular basis.  I am also being compared to like all the other people on earth that have ever had bariatric surgery.  " Well my cousin Timmy had the surgery and he can't eat lettuce, how come you can?"  or "you better be careful because my Great Aunt Rhoda gained back all of her weight because this surgery DOESN'T WORK"  I'm sorry to say, but I am not Timmy, nor am I Rhoda, and the surgery does work if follow the guidelines and make lifestyle changes to support your new pouch. 

Just try and shut me up!

Now that I am back, just try to shut me up........  Its amazing how good you feel when that one little thing in your life starts to change.  I feel wicked awesome about the changes I am making inside and out, but I am still feel like I am swimming with water wings on in a pool of syrup.  I am taking things one day at a time and even though I am behind schedule weight loss wise according to my dietitian.  Ummmm, I don't really exactly WTF they expect from me, but she was all, like using her calculator and stuff.  I had a plateau AGAIN, so I know that I am not going to measure up at my next appointment, but whatev's.  I have always been a rule breaker.

So, even though I am doing wicked awesome, I still need my support system.  I had an appointment with Katie, you might remember her from my previous post........ (http://gastricbypassprincess.blogspot.com/2011/02/all-about-katie.html)  A friend from our Wednesday community game group was just leaving, he will remain nameless as I am now going to make fun of him, as I did that day in front of the elevator.  So Katie, who is normally an eyes up kinda girl, or so I though...... noticed that under my pretty springy dress I had a camisole that was slightly exposed (you know where).....now our friend is soooooooo NOT an eyes up kind of guy.  Every time at group he sneaks a peek at the fraternals.  Now that I have lost 57 pounds my boobs (the fraternals) are getting smaller than before.  I can't wait for plastic surgery to even them out and put them back where they belong.



Of course Katie and I got way off topic during my appointment, we talked about her new beau, about how he is prettier than her, about how wicked awesome I am, stuff like that.  Katie told me about all her fun new programs that were available for several reasons, one she wants me to be a healthier person, 2 because she wishes I was her sisters and wants to hang out with me more, and 3 because it was the essence of our appointment. 

We got so far off topic that Katie had to call me back the next day to do some kind of test that she forgot to make me write.  The test wasn't really a big deal it was just to see what level of crazy I currently am.  Somehow I passed with flying colours.  I think it was all a part of her plan to hang out with me more.  She is such an evil genius.

I'm Back!

I am Back!  I suffered a mild case of the I don't give a shits.  I was all like feeling sorry for myself because I hit a plateau like 2 times! I've been bored and I have no pretty clothes any more ('cause they are all too big).  Since I haven't been working I am too poor to buy myself pretty things and Jer is too poor to give me walking around money.  I guess its a good thing I'm going back to work on Friday. 

I went to see a movie with my friend Jenny.  Jenny is special, not Forrest Gump special, but been my friend through thick and thin, Christmas morning kind of special.  We were each others brides maids, so it was very fitting that we went to see Brides Maids together. 

The universe has wanted Jenny and I to be  friends since the beginning of time.  Because Jenny was a November baby we missed being at the same school together in JK/SK.  Her parents moved across the street from my childhood home about a year after we moved away.  Our husbands went to high school together and where on the same curling teams.  And  one fateful afternoon I was working at one of my first jobs.  It was a shitty job.....I was the "would you like to apply for a Sears card" girl.  Jenny worked in the hair salon and liked my free gifts.  The universe finally won!

Goal Tending

So I have made some mini goals to keep me motivated and keep me on track.  I told my boys about my goals when I reached my first goal.  It was shortly after I came home from the hospital, I wanted to be under a certain weight and I did it!

My boys are my biggest supporters.  Every time I have a loss they are super supportive I get a woooo whooo and big smiles.  I let my oldest son set my second goal for me, he thought 40 pounds would be a great goal for me.  It was almost 20 pounds away from my first goal.  I have been constipated and have had a few days of no loss can get a little depressing.  I miss not being able to poop more than not being able to eat solid foods.

I am going to start making my goals a little smaller AND I also need some rewards don't you think?

Went to a party today, it was one of those fun kid birthday party deals where the boys get to scream their heads off for hours.   Of course there was a delicious smelling pizza there and I wanted it so bad.  It was really hard not to eat it Jer even suggested that I chew it and spit it out, ummm its pizza it isn't a BJ you don't spit pizza.  I wish I could eat something real again.  I totally miss chewing.  I haven't chewed anything in over a month.  This is getting depressing. 

I know that it won't be too much longer until I am in Phase 4 which is pureed foods.  That's just code for baby food by the way.  I didn't realize that having this surgery was going to be such a rebirth.  I have always thought of the surgery as a new beginning,  a new chance at life, but not like this.  Going from basically being on "formula" with protein powder to "baby food" with pureed foods.  I have even asked my Jerry Bear to pat my back when I have gas pains.  I guess my pouch is in its infancy and has some growing up to do.

Thank goodness for my favorite website theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com I have found so many recipes to make my life a little tastier.  I would not have made a month on liquids without eggface.

I kissed a girl and I liked it!

I got to see my friend Leah today!  She moved to Kamloops, BC, 2 years ago, so I don't often get to see her.  She is in town because a friend of ours is getting married and she is in the wedding party.  Being friends with Leah is like playing with a sugar coated puppy, the really cute kind that like trips on its paws because it hasn't grown into them yet, oh and rainbows lots and lots of rainbows!

I made Leah turn red and stop breathing today because she was laughing so hard.  I love that kid!  She can turn my frown upside down any day.  She had fish taco's for lunch today, I don't even know what a fish taco is, but it looked fun.  With Leah everything is fun.  Leah likes to have fun too, she is planning a bachelorette party for her work friend.......its a Jersey Shore theme!  They are all gonna bronzer it up and wear Snookie do's, how much fun is that?!

  I guess I have a bit of a crush on my fab friend Leah.

I gots my hair did!

Today was my first day off with my Jerry Bear he was looking like a lumber jack and decided he needed a little manscaping.  I agreed and we headed to the barber.   Our barber is one of those "I know everything and everyone" guidos, Jer has been going to him forever I usually just sit there with my mouth shut because he usually has something offensive to say.

After that treat I decided that Jeremy shouldn't be the only pretty on in the house, so I booked myself an appointment too!  I rarely spend money on hair maintenance, so I decided to go all out.  I got highlights and haircut, a good 8 inches, cut off!  I couldn't donate it because I have premature greying and often dye my hair.  I said PRE-mature greying! So I went short, not playing for the other team short, but short all the same.  I love it, it's so easy.

I got my Gleek on last night, love that show, love the music, love the characters, and especially love not having to watch commercials.  The PVR saved our marriage along with the dishwasher, the air conditioner, oh and the fact that we are madly in love with each other helped too.

I've been home now for a few days, I have had to give myself daily blood thinner injections.  I have to do the fake out every fricken time before I stab myself into the gut.  It's kinda like when you do your own waxing and your sitting there holding it wanting to pull it off, but you know that its not gonna be awesome, so you wait, and you wait until you have enough courage to pull that bad boy off.  It usually takes me about 3-4 tries before I can to it.

I love the fact that every day when I weigh myself I am a less than the day before!  And I am not ever hungry.  I am still on modified fluids which basically means I can have my protein drinks, broth, and milk.   I am looking forward to full fluids that starts on Friday!! Hello creamy soups, yogurt, sugar free puddings and thinned oatmeal! I get to use a utensil to eat again! OMFG I will have choices!

Guess what?!?  My parents went to pick up my prize for me!  I am so excited!  This will totally get me through till Friday now.  I have 1 can of Mocha espresso protein and 1 can of Vanilla Latte plus 2 shakers, a hat and a carrying case.  The hat is all bedazzled I love it!

A New Day Has Come!

April 15, 2011 was the day of my Gastric Bypass surgery in Hamilton, Ontario.  I must back track a day to the pre-op appointment.  This was our first time in the St. Joseph's Hospital and boy did it leave its mark.  They had actual nun's working the information desk and our first elevator was held together with duct tape! And I thought I worked at a crappy hospital.

 So I woke up from my surgery in a great deal of pain.  Little did I know at that time I was in for a rough ride.  I got to my room at about 12pm and kept asking for my Jerry Bear, he was down stairs and didn't have a clue where I was.  He finally showed up at like 230 I totally cried 'cause I was so happy to see him.  I got up to the potty and it was not fun I started to bleed from 2 of my incision sites.  I was a little scared, especially when it happened every time I  moved.  Not a sexy look having blood on your gown while you are walking around the halls.  I had a surgery buddy who had hers done right after me, she was like the star patient, had minimal pain, farted right away and was discharged the next afternoon.  I secretly hate her.

 

Me on the other hand was kept in for 3 days.  No matter how much I walked and walked or rocked and rocked on the potty I could not squeeze out a fart.  My belly got so big and so painful that I couldn't even take a sip of water because it added that much more pressure to my body.  On the 2nd night "it" happened, I finally had some fog horn farts and was feeling much better.  I begged to go "home" (to the hotel) and because I had a stupid little low grade fever they were thinking of keeping me for another night.  After convincing the doctors that I am capable of knowing when I am unwell and would come back if I needed to. 

(April 18th)

Me and Jer headed to the hotel and I rested.  Debbie and Scott were on their way to Hamilton for her surgery.  We met up with them after supper, they were staying at the same hotel as us, so we visited most of the evening.  I showed off my belly, the boys got to know each other and Deb asked me a bunch of questions because her surgery was in 2 days.  Deb and Scott were so nice they let us stay in their room the next day because our flight was leaving at 9pm and we had to check out by 11am.  We spent the day sending the boys off to Tim Hortons for us and finally at 5pm it was time to head off to the Toronto Airport.

Our taxi ride into Toronto was horrible for me all the bumps on the highway stirred up some wicked gas pains.  We hit some grid lock as we got closer to the city I just wanted out of that taxi van!

So we get to the airport and I am in such agony, standing in line to check in was not fun, people were looking at me and I didn't care.  When you're in a wheelchair at the airport people treat you different.  We were able to go to a special security gate they were not pleased with the fact that I had medications with me and I wanted to walk through the metal detector, but the decided to pat me down instead!  I lifted up my shirt to show them where I was sore so they would avoid it, but they didn't.  The security guard asked me if I wanted to go into one of the private rooms to be examined.......ummmm I've seen a lot of movies where the strip search doesn't work out so well for people.  And being in so much pain from gas I really was not in the mood for a rectal exam. 

We got to ride one of those golf cart things to our gate, it was fun the Asian dude kept dinging his little bell to get people to move out of the way.  It sounded like it belonged on a tricycle not a big airportmobile.  Once we got to the gate Jer got some food and then all of a sudden there was an old man sitting in front of us with a ginormous cat in his lap, I get a dog but a cat?  I was a bit confused.

Finally  9pm arrived and we were on our way home.  I totally took advantage of the elderly people, people with children get on board first business.  We got home at 1130 I am so glad that part is all over!

T - Minus ..............

Am I really doing this? Oh yes, yes I am. I need to be at the hospital at 6am sharp that's less than 12 hours away!  Wanna know a little known fact?  Apple juice and broth can SUCK IT!  because this "just" clear fluids business is not at all fun...... Optifast was a tropical vacation compared to this B.S.

I am sooooo looking forward to the anesthetic slumbar party I will be a part of tomorrow.  Being an insomnia sufferer you can see why this would be exciting for me but don't worry, I am not at the point where I need a little Propofol with my warm milk at bed time.  I hope I can get some sleep tonight.  It feels like I'm a kid and it's Christmas Eve.  5am is going to come really quick even though all day today time dragged it's heels.

I totally won!

I never win things and I actually won something!  And to find out 2 days before my surgery must mean good luck surgery wise.  I entered a contest on my fav blog site http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com  and I totally won!

This is what I won I'm super excited! I cant wait to pick it up from the post office! 

 

Also can you believe that my surgery is less than a day away!  Holy crap!  I am so lucky to have my Jerry Bear with me, he is already taking very good care of me.

I'm guilty......

So the other night Kathleen convinced me to come and meet some of her friends.  OMG these chicks were fantastic.  Rosie is 15 months post op, totally amazing and before I had even met her, totally willing to text me off a ledge when I was having one of my bad days.  She was a great help to me that night and it was great to finally meet her in person.  I also met Nichole, a fellow pre-op girl, she was all kinds of fabulous, funny, and full of life.  Nancy was also post op a bit of a newbie if you will, she was 6 months post op.  Nancy and her wife Meighan are 2 beautiful spirits that compliment each other much the same that me and my Jerry Bear do. 

 

I was grounded by Rosie for some random wrong doings.  OK, ok I'll tell you what happened.  Remember my fumanchu?  Well Rosie isn't happy about the fact that I shave it off daily.  She offered to be my personal waxer and until I except, I am grounded.

We talked about the ins and outs of the surgery, I whined about being on the Opticrap.  I confessed that I cheated on the liquid diet.  The other day I had my broth and I totally found a piece of rice in it and I ate it!  I chewed it up, savoured it, made it last for a lot longer than a grain of rice should.  The girls told me I was funny and that I totally didn't cheat, but why do I feel so guilty?

I have only 2 days left until we go to Hamilton......I am kinda freaked out.  I spent the weekend visiting my nephew and niece and of course their parents.  Jer is going to see a movie with his daddy tomorrow  and on Tuesday we are going to drop off the dog to him.  I am going to miss my baby girl, I gave her a bath today and now she is all ashamed of herself for not smelling like a dog, she's been rubbing herself all over the place trying to get her stink back on, so gross.  I have so much to do to get us ready for this next part of the journey.  I still have some packing to do to get the boys ready for my parents house not to mention packing up Jeremy and myself.  Thank goodness Jeremy is already on holidays so he can help out.

Oh, and we are totally going to turn on the security alarm when we leave, so don't think you can rob us!

The Price of Deflation

I've had quite a few bad days on this opticrap I have 5 days left, some days are minute by minute and others have been easier.  Jeremy has done a lot of spring maintenance already and it's only just begun.  He will definitely have his hands full with me after Friday.  (That's when I have my internal organs re-arranged) I feel sorry for him because I know he will have his hands full.

I am starting to see results all ready!  I have already lost 18 pounds!  The fraternals have shrunk, why do the boobs always have to go first?  I have been deflated!  My bras used to look like the cup runneth over, now I have room for like 2 of those chicken cutlet things (on each side) that the flat chested girls use.  They still look fantastic, just on a smaller scale, I guess that's the price I have to pay.